This is when the chaos started: Calvin Klein, sans shirt and decorum, at the 1993 CFDA awards.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t approve of anyone wearing flipflops on city streets. I watch these people flippity-floppitting in front of my car when I’m stopped at a light, thus enjoying the profile view of their nearly bare, invariably smudgy hooves slapping across the pavement. “Not much of a jump,” I think, for the petroleum-based residue, E. coli, and whatever else the streets are serving. I think of the centuries of human suffering, how parents struggled to keep shoes on the feet of their children, and this is where we’ve arrived? Look no further for proof of the coming fall of Rome, my countrymen.
I find myself overtaken by the same sinking sensation when I come across people inappropriately dressed at events. First of all, it’s jeans, jeans everywhere, with holes and scratches that reveal unsightly blemishes and body hair. I recently sat next to a 60-plus-year-old man (with someone I thought was his college-age son, until they nuzzled) who had so much arm hair I could see it touching the plate. Women showing their belly buttons in the same room where food is being served is also a huge turn-off. I picture crumbs falling in there—and worse, not coming out.I was there at the tipping point of inappropriate attire. It was the 1993 Council of Fashion Designers of America awards. The award for menswear designer of the year went to Calvin Klein. Speaking of tipping, he was between rehab stints and the audience breathed a sigh of relief after he lurched away from the lectern, having slurred his way through an incomprehensible acceptance speech.
Was I imagining it, or had he skipped a step or two getting dressed? Pictures the next day confirmed that Calvin had worn a dinner jacket, a white silk evening scarf, pants, shoes, and nothing else. So here we had the man whose influence on menswear is judged to be the best in America.
Soon after, the phrase “Black Tie Optional” began to appear on invitations. I sat in on more than one common-sense-challenged committee meeting where this phrase was pressed into service. The thinking, if you could call it that, was that by adding “optional” you wouldn’t be excluding those who either didn’t own or preferred not to wear a tuxedo or an evening gown. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why you’d want these people at your benefit. The whole point of black tie is to make the evening feel exclusive and special—that people went to the trouble—and thus justify the high costs.
I won’t go to a party that specifies “Black Tie Optional.” It’s too much of a toss-up about what you’ll get (in dress and demeanor). OK, one exception is Vanity Fair’s Oscar party, but I think it’s a dumb idea for them, too. It’s Oscar night. It’s black tie. Period. If people want to be creative or lazy or show-offy, let them, but have some standards. (One of the most selfaggrandizing Oscar outfits I ever saw was not on Björk, but Tom Cruise, who wore his motorcycle leathers and made it seem as if he were just trolling by on his hog. But if you’d have heard the walkie-talkie planning that went into that casual drop-by, you’d cut Sharon Stone some slack.)
My friend John told me about a benefit he went to recently where the invite stated hopefully, “Black Tie Requested.” My read: This was an attempt to fall somewhere closer to traditional than the anything-goes mentality of Black Tie Optional. The result? Fifty percent traditional black tie (he’s in finance), 20 percent black suits, 20 percent dark blue suits, and 10 percent “wore whatever the hell they wanted.” My friend went with a black suit because, he said, “I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard.”
Exactly. If the dress is black tie, then anyone who comes in underdone, as it were, feels like a rube. But if you add one of these qualifiers, the tables are switched, and the people who dress up feel like fools. Why don’t event organizers realize that most poor slobs just want clear instructions to follow?
And what about all those other events where the instructions are more, well, creative? There’s “festive”—my favorite because some lady always wears a costume of some kind, and more than a few guys think this means a floral printed shirt. So entertaining. Then there’s the Denim & Diamonds annual shindig, a version of which was parodied in Bonfire of the Vanities. The men always had jeans with ironed creases down the front, and the women wore variations on cowgirl outfits with rhinestones bedazzling their bandannas and boleros! Olé!
“Basically, you should never wear an outfit to a party, no matter what the dress code, that you would feel silly walking down the street in,” advises socialite Muffie Potter Aston, “unless it’s a full-on costume party, where anything goes.” An example of a dress code she finds unappealing? “Pajama parties, which are kind of back, are a lose-lose.”
Muffie’s advice reminded me of the 2004 New York City Ballet party that specified James Bond attire. Women’s Wear Daily nailed it exactly, saying the turnout was “more Remington Steele.”
There are many acceptable reasons why you may choose not to follow a creative dress code, ranging from having another event that evening where it wouldn’t be appropriate, to having a religious or political objection to the theme. (Many thought a “1,001 Nights” Arabian theme party attended by the social girls a few years back was ill-advised.) But if you choose to flaunt a dress code, you must err on the more, not less, dressy side.
But my all-time favorite party invitation dress code was from Diddy’s MTV Video Music Awards after-party a few seasons back. “The Dress Code Must Be Respected!” it warned. “If your shoes are scuffed you’re going to have a problem. If you’re wearing jeans, you’re on the wrong track. Pull out the flyest sh*t in your closet, or have your stylist pull something for you.”
And then: “Definition of Fly Sh*t: The top designers ie. Sean John Collection, Gucci, Dolce and Gabana [sic], YSL Couture, Versace. Think the Oscars, think the person you want to marry is inside; think of me at the CFDA Awards, Kentucky Derby, My New Year’s Party in Miami or my Hamptons White Party.”
It even addressed grooming: “FELLAS: Haircuts, Shape-ups, and Clean shaves are a must. LADIES: Hair-dos, Waxing, Manicures and Pedicures are also a must.”
So classy, that Puffster. At first I wondered how they would enforce the waxing code for ladies—would they have to lift their skirts upon entry? Then I realized most of the, ahem, ladies in attendance for this affair would be wearing attire that was mostly see-through, thus easing the entire process.
I wonder where he stands on flip-flops?
Columnist Ted Kruckel is an experienced and opinionated former event and PR pro who ran events for 20 years for high-profile clients like Vanity Fair, Elle Decor, Christian Dior, and Carolina Herrera. He shuttered his firm, Ted Inc., in 2003.
Photo: Dan Lecca
I find myself overtaken by the same sinking sensation when I come across people inappropriately dressed at events. First of all, it’s jeans, jeans everywhere, with holes and scratches that reveal unsightly blemishes and body hair. I recently sat next to a 60-plus-year-old man (with someone I thought was his college-age son, until they nuzzled) who had so much arm hair I could see it touching the plate. Women showing their belly buttons in the same room where food is being served is also a huge turn-off. I picture crumbs falling in there—and worse, not coming out.I was there at the tipping point of inappropriate attire. It was the 1993 Council of Fashion Designers of America awards. The award for menswear designer of the year went to Calvin Klein. Speaking of tipping, he was between rehab stints and the audience breathed a sigh of relief after he lurched away from the lectern, having slurred his way through an incomprehensible acceptance speech.
Was I imagining it, or had he skipped a step or two getting dressed? Pictures the next day confirmed that Calvin had worn a dinner jacket, a white silk evening scarf, pants, shoes, and nothing else. So here we had the man whose influence on menswear is judged to be the best in America.
Soon after, the phrase “Black Tie Optional” began to appear on invitations. I sat in on more than one common-sense-challenged committee meeting where this phrase was pressed into service. The thinking, if you could call it that, was that by adding “optional” you wouldn’t be excluding those who either didn’t own or preferred not to wear a tuxedo or an evening gown. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why you’d want these people at your benefit. The whole point of black tie is to make the evening feel exclusive and special—that people went to the trouble—and thus justify the high costs.
I won’t go to a party that specifies “Black Tie Optional.” It’s too much of a toss-up about what you’ll get (in dress and demeanor). OK, one exception is Vanity Fair’s Oscar party, but I think it’s a dumb idea for them, too. It’s Oscar night. It’s black tie. Period. If people want to be creative or lazy or show-offy, let them, but have some standards. (One of the most selfaggrandizing Oscar outfits I ever saw was not on Björk, but Tom Cruise, who wore his motorcycle leathers and made it seem as if he were just trolling by on his hog. But if you’d have heard the walkie-talkie planning that went into that casual drop-by, you’d cut Sharon Stone some slack.)
My friend John told me about a benefit he went to recently where the invite stated hopefully, “Black Tie Requested.” My read: This was an attempt to fall somewhere closer to traditional than the anything-goes mentality of Black Tie Optional. The result? Fifty percent traditional black tie (he’s in finance), 20 percent black suits, 20 percent dark blue suits, and 10 percent “wore whatever the hell they wanted.” My friend went with a black suit because, he said, “I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard.”
Exactly. If the dress is black tie, then anyone who comes in underdone, as it were, feels like a rube. But if you add one of these qualifiers, the tables are switched, and the people who dress up feel like fools. Why don’t event organizers realize that most poor slobs just want clear instructions to follow?
And what about all those other events where the instructions are more, well, creative? There’s “festive”—my favorite because some lady always wears a costume of some kind, and more than a few guys think this means a floral printed shirt. So entertaining. Then there’s the Denim & Diamonds annual shindig, a version of which was parodied in Bonfire of the Vanities. The men always had jeans with ironed creases down the front, and the women wore variations on cowgirl outfits with rhinestones bedazzling their bandannas and boleros! Olé!
“Basically, you should never wear an outfit to a party, no matter what the dress code, that you would feel silly walking down the street in,” advises socialite Muffie Potter Aston, “unless it’s a full-on costume party, where anything goes.” An example of a dress code she finds unappealing? “Pajama parties, which are kind of back, are a lose-lose.”
Muffie’s advice reminded me of the 2004 New York City Ballet party that specified James Bond attire. Women’s Wear Daily nailed it exactly, saying the turnout was “more Remington Steele.”
There are many acceptable reasons why you may choose not to follow a creative dress code, ranging from having another event that evening where it wouldn’t be appropriate, to having a religious or political objection to the theme. (Many thought a “1,001 Nights” Arabian theme party attended by the social girls a few years back was ill-advised.) But if you choose to flaunt a dress code, you must err on the more, not less, dressy side.
But my all-time favorite party invitation dress code was from Diddy’s MTV Video Music Awards after-party a few seasons back. “The Dress Code Must Be Respected!” it warned. “If your shoes are scuffed you’re going to have a problem. If you’re wearing jeans, you’re on the wrong track. Pull out the flyest sh*t in your closet, or have your stylist pull something for you.”
And then: “Definition of Fly Sh*t: The top designers ie. Sean John Collection, Gucci, Dolce and Gabana [sic], YSL Couture, Versace. Think the Oscars, think the person you want to marry is inside; think of me at the CFDA Awards, Kentucky Derby, My New Year’s Party in Miami or my Hamptons White Party.”
It even addressed grooming: “FELLAS: Haircuts, Shape-ups, and Clean shaves are a must. LADIES: Hair-dos, Waxing, Manicures and Pedicures are also a must.”
So classy, that Puffster. At first I wondered how they would enforce the waxing code for ladies—would they have to lift their skirts upon entry? Then I realized most of the, ahem, ladies in attendance for this affair would be wearing attire that was mostly see-through, thus easing the entire process.
I wonder where he stands on flip-flops?
Columnist Ted Kruckel is an experienced and opinionated former event and PR pro who ran events for 20 years for high-profile clients like Vanity Fair, Elle Decor, Christian Dior, and Carolina Herrera. He shuttered his firm, Ted Inc., in 2003.
Photo: Dan Lecca
