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Jared Paul Stern's (Unsolicited) Advice for You

New York Post columnist Jared Paul Stern has some New Year's resolutions he'd like to assign you. Not that you asked, but the frequent party guest--who writes the tab's Nightcrawler event and nightlife column--offered 20 commandments for event planners, nightclub owners and restaurateurs in a recent column. Some are right on target, some are a bit bitchy, and a few are below:

  • "I will not hire hat check girls with attention deficit disorder."

  • "I will not invite 1,000 people to attend the opening of my new space which comfortably accommodates only 30 anorexics."

  • "I will not breathlessly announce 'Gwyneth'll be there' unless I have a sworn affidavit to that effect or else a statement of signed intent in the actress' own blood."

  • "I will not send 'clever' poster-sized or three dimensional invitations fashioned by art-school rejects upon which it is impossible to discern either the date, time or place of the function in question."

  • "I will remain fully cognizant of the fact that inviting Rande Gerber to open yet another underlit, understaffed and ill-advised basement bar is not a certificate of coolness and the first step toward impregnating supermodels." (So what do you think Stern thinks of the new Whiskey?)
  • "I will not serve foie gras wrapped in white chocolate at my opening, in order to dazzle people with my creativity and bold culinary daring, unless I have a bucket handy." (Although he didn't name names, we seem to remember this treat from an opening party for a place dubbed "the new Moomba"--but aren't they all?)

  • "I will not encourage the Hilton sisters to bare body parts and dance on tables while well-bred people are trying to imbibe cocktails and engage in civilized conversation."

Posted 01.09.02

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