What’s not to like about “Crashgate,” the newest and by far funnest scandal to emerge in Washington since that intern thing? I would have weighed in earlier, but given the topic, I thought it best to be asked by my editors before filing. Finally, they did.
If, like me, you have been absolutely riveted to the story of the biggest party crashers of all time, Michaele and Tareq Salahi, then let’s skip the preliminaries and get right into the nitty gritty.
1. White House social secretary Desirée Rogers should be toast. I had a bad feeling about her when she showed up at New York Fashion Week sitting at Anna Wintour’s side. It was like taking the victory lap too soon. Then came her idiotic announcement that it can’t be her fault, none of her staff were even there. It turns out that Cathy Hargraves, the gal who used to be in charge of checking people in, quit back in June after Rogers relieved her of most of her duties. Oh, and on Monday’s Hardball With Chris Matthews, Washington Post society scribe Roxanne Roberts explained that she asked not one but two social staff members why the Salahis weren’t on the list and named names: Courtney O’Donnell and Katie McCormick Lelyveld. See ya, ladies.
1a. Flash! Desirée update: The first lady’s communications director, Camille Johnston, announced Tuesday night that the White House social office will go back to making sure that one of its staff members will be present at the gates to help the Secret Service. Glad to see that this crackerjack team is firing on all pistons now, just over a week after the incident occurred. Yea, team!
2. Forget blaming the Secret Service, the real fault here lies with the hair salon, Erwin Gomez Salon & Spa, which enabled Michaele in her relentless pursuit of B-stardom, and should have known something was up. Their first clue? She never paid her wedding hair bill from 2002. Then when they asked to see the invite, a fair request since she was being comped, Michaele claimed it was in the car. “On your feet!” should have been the hairdresser’s demand, and if no invite was proffered, they should have activated the hairdresser emergency phone tree. But judging from the final product (single-process, uneven extensions, and don’t even get me started on the eye makeup), it’s not clear that this is a first-rate salon.
2a. Flash! Hair update: Judging from today’s New York Post photo of the super shameless and super fascinating Michaele yesterday and her shockingly oily weave, Erwin Gomez Salon & Spa has finally pulled the plug. She was at the publication launch of Best of Us, a vanity publication which sells copies in bulk to people featured in the pages. This story just gets better and better.
3. Brian Williams reported his car being held up behind the unadmitted Salahis’ vehicle. They then decamped and trudged around the side, in the rain, to enter through the service entrance or something, with a camera crew in tow. Who do I have to pay to get my hands on this footage?
4. Also, I need a much more detailed timeline of what the Salahis did inside the event. Did puffy Tareq snarf down the hors d’oeuvres, knowing he wasn’t getting a dinner seat? Did Michaele carve her initials in the ladies room? The public has a right to know.
5. Run, don’t walk to NYMag.com’s quick catch-up with recently “dis-counted” LuAnn de Lesseps, the Real Housewives of New York character who wrote the book, literally, on questionable taste, Class With the Countess. In just a few paragraphs, she a.) claims that the New York Housewives only go where they are invited, which begs for some fact checking, b.) cops to only having crashed a party when she was “16 or in college,” and c.) takes a swipe at fellow showboats Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen, saying they are her only castmates who would try such a thing, then faux-poligizes for being “mean.”
6. Tareq’s mom said the couple needs a “spanking.” His brother told the cameras he “don’t definitely [sic] put it past” the couple. And Michaele’s mom gave not one but two ill-advised interviews to The New York Post. I’m sure you’ve heard that he bankrupted the family vineyard. Am I the only one who thinks the whole bunch should go on Oprah right away? Dr. Phil at the very least.
7. I can’t stand the Today show, and Tuesday’s spineless interview by Matt Lauer reminded me why: It’s lite news. But the Salahis rose above the mundanity of their scripted appearance by appearing partially embalmed and in mourning clothes. While it was hard to take my eyes off of Michaele’s hair, I couldn’t help but notice how they helped each other with their nonanswers. When, when, when can I see them next? Why Thursday, testifying before the House Homeland Security Committee hearing, which will be like an early Christmas for me.
8. Ever since the movie, I have always loved the name Mahogany, so I’m fascinated by the Salahi’s publicist, Mahogany Jones. Have you read any of her “statements”? She could just as well be called Mrs. Malaprop. I noticed that she shares the same surname as the woman at the Pentagon, Michele S. Jones, who Michaele emailed to get invited. Apparently they’d crashed a Washington fund-raiser two months ago as well. And after hearing Michele’s statement, the phrase “the lady doth protest too much,” came to mind. Maybe Desirée can take Michele to lunch when this all blows over. By then they should both have plenty of free time.
