The current New York Boat Show runs through Sunday at the Jacob Javits Center—where else? Boat shows are great fun, though not as much fun as actually going on a boat—I mean on the water, I guess, because you can go on some of the boats at the Boat Show. After you take your shoes off, of course.
I normally don’t like to take my shoes off in public. It seems like whenever you do, you have a hole in your sock. But for “Queen of the Show,” the Azimut 50 Flybridge from Italy ($1.25 million, tax not included) I made an exception. Besides, in the cordoned off Azimut display area, they provided chairs (a novelty!) to sit in while you removed your shoes and climbed aboard. Sounds obvious, but I didn’t see anyone else offering chairs.
Anyway, up I went. The sense of luxury and fun is almost palpable but hard to describe. Andrew Schneider of Surfside 3, a MarineMax company, who was running the queen’s station told me that the boat could hold 25 for a party, but was really designed for a small group of five or six. There were two cabins, but not like you remember; these were real bedrooms with full-size bathrooms. The main cockpit looked like the nose of a jet (and like on a jet, it didn’t seem like you could actually see very much), but the real action was on the flybridge, where a second cockpit featured a James Bond-like outdoor lounge with a built-in wetbar and barbecue.
Anchors aweigh! For a second there it felt like it was my boat, I could feel the wind and the spray. An attractive and wealthy lady was looking around while I was, and I almost asked her to dance.
Back down on terra firma, show manager John Pritko of the National Marine Manufacturers Association gave me the rundown. The show takes up 260,000 square feet this year, which is slightly down from last year, and has roughly the same number of exhibitors and sponsors this year. Considering the economy, everyone seemed thrilled. Flat is the new up.
Luxury purveyors are all crying uncle these days, but let me tell you, when your money goes in the tank, the first thing to go is the boat. My friend Willy works a fancy marina that his wife’s family owns, and since the recession, he’s acquired a small fleet from tenants who couldn’t keep up with their bills and had to sell under duress. For some reason, he has yet to invite me on one of his yachts, although if he’s reading this he should know it is never too late!
The New York Boat show is a “selling” show, meaning you can go home with a boat if you want one. (Reminder: You’ll need a trailer.) So I decided to try and buy one. Your basic starter Boston Whaler will set you back about $15,000. A bigger one with a console and twin engines like my grandfather had requires 30 Gs, trailer included. The salesman assured me that they retain their value, though, and told me about a 65-year-old man who bought a Boston Whaler in 1982 for $10,000, sold it last year for the same amount and was back this year for a new one that would “take him out.”
The biggest one had three 300 horsepower engines and didn’t really look like a Boston Whaler. In fact, it didn’t really look like a boat, more like a spaceship. The “waveboard” boats also look like spaceships. Boats are cool.
I was excited to learn of the return of Miss Boat Show. A bikini contest started more than 50 years ago had inexplicably fallen by the wayside, but Miss Boat Show was back for 2010, promising showgoers a glimpse of the year’s best local “boating beauties.” Thinking I might sign up, I asked about the rules and requirements and was told, “Just show up on Friday.” Dear reader, please know it is with heavy heart that I had to file this story a day before the contest, and thus I have no photos or report.
Back to work. Salespeople who know will tell you that nothing works to close the deal like a boat outing. Once you’re out there, “ropes off” as they say, and your guests have a few cocktails, well the sky’s the limit. But entertaining on a boat is a whole world, with all sorts of pitfalls. My father used to lease big yachts all the time and entertain his banking clients. Something always went wrong. Once we hit a manatee—let me tell you that is a real party downer. Twice we ran aground (once with me at the wheel, but it wasn’t my fault, really).
Once I leased the yacht American, which was Al Capone’s former tub, for a magazine client and, long story, we got stranded on the East River. But some bank was having its party on the same night and paid for a giant fireworks display, which my guests thought I had arranged, oohing and aahing, so nobody complained that we returned two hours late.
Anyway, here are a few hard-learned tips for entertaining at sea.
1. Know your list. For the same reasons that boat outings can be great, they can be miserable. You’re trapped with these people. Some people are just not meant for this type of thing and its better to know that before you set sail.
2. Spend the extra money for launches. Then a late arriving guest or two can be captured, or someone who feels sick can leave before you’ve gone too far.
3. Go easy on the food and drink. The truth is that not everyone can handle eating and drinking in motion. I suggest starting with tiny snacks, like caviar canapés, and passing something like bellinis or mimosas, not too strong. Wait until you have been really moving for a half hour before you open the full bar and bust out the roast beef. By then, those whose stomachs aren’t up to it will know and abstain from overindulging.
4. If you’ve never been seasick, you have no idea how people can suffer. Dramamine works. It’s best if you take it before you lift anchor, but for God’s sake, if you start to feel queasy, take it. The other trick is to stare at the horizon, but let me tell you, if it is really choppy, keeping your eye on the horizon is not so easy. If a member of your party is sick, try to get them to stay above board, but know that what they want most is to be left the hell alone.
5. Inevitably, there will be a lull. No boat ride, no matter how well appointed, catered and attended, is without a lull. Let the lull happen. Hosts who whip out the board games and Twister do not understand that the lull is part of the magic of the outing and without it you do not get the sense of escape and adventure.
6. Dancing can be really tricky; people can get hurt.
7. There will always be guests who need a sweater and guests who regret not bringing a bathing suit, and the host who anticipates that is a hero.
8. Slide shows, videos, movies, anything shown on a screen instantly brands you an amateur yachtsmen.
9. Be nice to the captain. Start by calling him captain all the time, they get off on that. Then he’ll let your guests steer the boat, which they really get off on. Everybody’s happy.
